I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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