you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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