brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
