Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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