WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You ate ashes out of my bong
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize