its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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