how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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