farters have to be the big spoon...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
