Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
