Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
