she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
