opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
