Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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