He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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