but the lizard people decide everything anyway
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ttyl tear gas
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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