physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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