they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
