I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
