I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
