I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize