how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
