I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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