Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
