After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
