You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
