how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm getting married
To pizza
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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