I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
