wakey wakey hands off snakey
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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