I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
