her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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