Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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