IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize