Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
