I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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