he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
