Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
