He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize