Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
