She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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