We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
