Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have fence marks all over my body
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
