Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize