i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
