someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
