I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
