found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
