She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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