They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We left the knife in your bed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
