my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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