I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
