Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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