You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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