he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
