You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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