i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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