He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
