Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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