dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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