When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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