i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
