Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
