Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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