As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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