I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is Oprah even human
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
