so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
