I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
