With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
