im drinking this country out of the recession.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
